After getting injured in a Breast Assessment Centre my periods stopped with the Shock
My life was plunged into turmoil six months ago when I was injured in a Breast Screening Assessment. I have written about this. It has been horrific. 6 months later and I feel like my body and mind are literally breaking down. I feel in reality that I am dying prematurely. After the violent incident inflicted on my breast causing internal bleeding and a host of other stuff when I was a healthy woman to begin with I have stopped menstruating. On the day of visiting the hospital I had just had my period and was in good form with plans to move to a new location and start a course and a ticket booked for a music festival. Then BOOM.
Shocked into Early Menopause
Since this incident I stopped menstruating. I was told that my body has gone into shock and I’ve been forced into sudden early Menopause which makes me sad to be honest. But I can no longer have a period. After 10 courses of anti biotics and back to back pain killers my heart and chest feel like they are seizing up. The organ closest to the left breast is the heart and undoubtedly violent trauma in this area will affect the heart. I feel like I have another blood clot in the centre.
Was I having a Heart Attack or a Panic Attack?
The night before last I felt like I was having a heart attack. My body was shaking and sweating hot and cold, palpitations, extreme pressure, pain and a host of other stuff. I spoke to a friend on the phone and she said you should go to ER. I dunno if it was a panic attack or a heart attack but it was awful. I got in a taxi and went to ER. BIG MISTAKE, If you have been a victim of medical negligence AVOID HOSPITALS. It’s kind of like going back to the guy that beat you up and you have a history of abuse with.
Rude Male Nurse in ER
I waited then was called and a girl with long dark hair brought me into a room. Then went. Then a guy came in a bit loud, red faced. He asked me what the problem was. I told him re breast injury. Then my heart. He said look just get to the point. Then he took my blood pressure. He did this but didnt tell me the number or what is normal or anything,
Is pulling someone’s Hat off their Head an assault? Is plunging a thermometer in the ear forcefully an assault? I think it is if he damaged my ear drum.
I was wearing a woolly hat as I had rushed out and it was cold outside. He was at computer and then came towards me and said get that hat off. I was a bit bemused and was starting to take it off when he pulled the hat off my head then plunged an ear instrument into my ear with extreme force. I was shocked. A by him pulling my hat off. Who does that? And B by him plunging this object into my ear! I let out a sound of pain,
He did the other ear.
ER is Scary
Then he said well it’s going to be about 4 hours. We have a lot of serious cases to see tonight. I said okay but I am in a lot of pain and pressure in my heart area. Then I went to the waiting area. A druggy guy walked past then lingered and nearly banged into me. I didnt make eye contact and put my bag on my lap. Emergency Rooms scare me. A lot. I wish I had someone to go there with me but I dont have a soul. Not since my dad died.
Hospitals should have a Chaperone Service independent of the Hospital
When I was with the Angry Nurse Man I saw a little frail old man god love him in a wheel chair and I saw this brute getting ready to take him away. There are some very abusive people in the world. Even in so called caring professions. It is awful to think these elderly people get subjected to horrible stuff and then die in these places. I think we should have chaperone services in hospitals. Where volunteers independent of hospitals are there if you want someone to come in and sit with you for support. On your own you are very vulnerable.
ER was so awful and that male nurse upset me so much I got a taxi home to lie down
I sat for 2 hours and felt so sick and weak and cold and traumatised that I got a taxi home to go to bed. This guy was way too heavy handed. My ears are in searing pain. Especially the right one. I feel I have to complain especially if he has caused me injury. I can’t just let people do this to me. Yet I dont want to complain about him as I have already complained about the other one.
Mind Blowing Ear Pain
However Day 2 and the pain is mind blowing. He plunged an ear thermometer deep into my ear and without saying he was doing that. He should not have done that. So not only did I not get help I got injured in a hospital setting yet again. I am in deep trauma and terrible pain. Since that breast incident I feel like my blood is thick and freezing, my visions blurred and my body is like shutting down. I am wondering what is going on. I need urgent health checks and trauma counselling.
Why have neither the doctors nor the hospital done tests? Is this normal?
Surely given that a so called medical professional injured me causing internal bleeding they would do tests. Maybe blood tests, heart health, urine sample, breathing tests. I have asked and nothing has been done. The docs are in partnership with the hospital. Where is the patient? I am in victim mode and when you are down you are going to get kicked. I cannot comprehend what is happening to me but I seem to be having violent acts forced on me. The more I try to get help the more it works against me. But I need help to get better.
Is there a Victim Profile?
It made me think just like there is a criminal profile or say a serial killer profile perhaps there is a victim profile. Do some people keep being a victim of violence even if they are really trying to escape it. Does what you resist persist? I dont think I am hypervigilant. Because both of these violent incidents were wrong and would upset anyone. I did not expect anything bad to happen in ER but it did. Shockingly.
I am in the worst pain of my life so I have decided tomorrow I am going to go private and try and get my health sorted.
Are you on a Victim Frequency?
Anyway I am convinced there is a Victim Frequency and I am on it. I wasnt always. Violent things are happening to me. Through no fault of my own. That I am aware of. Apart from the fact that I am vulnerable. In your psyche if you have been a victim I think you must give off a victim vibe that predators pick up on. Their ears prick up and they go easy prey. In an energetic universe you are on a victim frequency and get more of the same. Horrible but weirdly true.
What could be some markers of being a Victim of Violence repeatedly?
I am trying to think what makes someone be a victim of violence again and again. Here are some reasons:
- You are ISOLATED and you are always on your own
- You have no money and are financially destitute
- You are UNEMPLOYED
- You are single or in an abusive relationship
- The parent you love has died
- A significant other has died
- Your relationship with your blood family has deteriorated
- You have no social network
- You feel unloved and somehow project that
- You have been a victim before
- You are filled with fear
- The more you dont want it the more you get it
- What you resist persists
- You are a disadvantaged member of society without a strong voice
- You are different in some way and non conformist
- You have a history of people being violent
- You had a parent that was violent or care giver that was
- When things go wrong you have no back up
- You are getting older
- You are frail
It’s embarassing to be a Victim. You need to ask for help but you don’t want to. It’s Desperate
So it is embarassing to repeatedly be a victim of violence. It is distressing when someone injures your personal body but somehow it is your fault. Because perpetrators don’t want to admit wrongdoing.
There are many INNOCENT Victims
But hear this. Look at the innocent lambs to the slaughter. Look at the cow who only wants to nurse her young but they are taken and killed then she suffers the same. All the farm animals slaughtered. Look at the widlife hunted and butchered. Look at the men with bows and arrows and cruel traps. Look at the innocent civilians taken in war. All the genocides of history. Look at the people who kill and look at their victims.
No one deserves to be a Victim of Violence
Were these animals deserving of this? No. Were these people asking for it? No. Doesn’t matter because the world is tilted towards abusers as we are controlled by monarchies and militaries. Landowners have wealth. We are not ruled by kindness. We are ruled by darkness. And light workers suffer the most. They are crucified. Is that to be the ultimate victim?
The Abuser and The Abused
We take it personally but it is a fact of life. There is the Abuser and there is the Victim. These are two dysfunctioning people in society. There has to be a happy middle ground though surely. Maybe you are in it? Do abusers know they are being abusive? Maybe not. It’s a hard world. And you need a thick skin to weather the storms.
Is there a Pattern in your suffering?
I have worked something out. It is kind of life a formula. You can see a pattern in bad things. At this current moment I am getting injured in hospitals. The logical response is to avoid public hospitals. The emotional response is to take this personally. The rational response is the hospitals are in chaos, long hours, stressed workers, tension, aggression, low pay, different personality types, students learning, busy busy atmosphere. Mistakes will happen. Though if people followed the BASICS of medical ethics they would be very rare. Because you see they have lost the ethics, the kindness, the compassion, the being a caring professional. You are just an annoyance, a hassle, another customer moaning on.
Medical People Close Ranks
Your doctors response is they are a medical professional the problem is you. Wrong. Because medical negligence is the 3rd biggest killer on the planet. The problem is not you unless you are awful to staff or violent or aggressive or something. I think they get stressed by these people then take it out on the vulnerable ones. Perhaps not intentionally but something has got to give. You can be the nicest person in the world and be a victim of medical negligence. The angry ones rarely are.
I have realised if I step into a crowded public hospital that is a very dangerous situation
So the pattern is I know I am likely to get injured if I go to a public hospital. The logical thing to do then is to avoid these places. The solution is to go private. Although it could happen there but hopefully not. So I should go to private places and avoid these public horror places. The problem I have no money. The solution floats there just outside my grasp. If I was to step into that quantum reality that shiny new private hospital would I find all my problems would be dealt with or would I suffer the same. I am confident the experience would be very different and much better.
The Pizza Pattern
Because I have seen this pattern before, It was a pizza pattern. In the midst of my depression I decided to order a pizza to cheer myself up even though I didnt have much money. It was awful in every way. So bad you could not eat. This happened a couple of times so I complained. This made things worse. The pizza woman was a narcissistic who flew into a narcissist rage. Even after sending her minion to pick up the offending pizza she refused to refund or replace. Cruel. Then the Pizza man in a different place. Same scenario different take away.
The Customer should be King but they are not
I learnt that if I order a pizza in this city it is going to be horrific and if I complain I am going to get abuse. So I stopped ordering pizzas and bought ingredients to make my own. There was a pattern here. By the law of probability the pizza was going to be crap. Probably because they are skimping on ingredients, they are so busy, the staff dont care and the manager wants to cut costs. The customer is not figuring. Even though the customer is the lifeblood of their business. They lost a customer in me. But by the law of probability they have so many customers and so little competition they dont care.
Why do people think a woman in sever physical pain asking for help is a Crazy Woman? Are we meant to crawl away and hide in the shadows and bleed to death when we are wounded?
Lesson learned. Right now. No Pizza. No going to hospital. Problem is I need physical medical attention although the doctors will be thinking she needs mental medical attention. Now I am an intelligent woman but they would rather believe that I am an emotional wreck who is imaging pain. I am an emotional wreck right now but that is because I was essentially stabbed near the heart. I had internal bleeding. I went into shock. I did not get medical care. I was left to roam around desperately trying to get help until I gave up and retreated into a dark cocoon where I started to wither away in pain. Until it became so much I had to ask for help lest I die. And I am not ready to die. That would be a waste.
Dealing with the PHYSICAL Pain and Illness in my Body is my Number One Priority right now
I must fight for justice. As if I am someone else. Not get emotionally attached but get the work done so to speak .It is not right I have to pay to go to private hospital when my computer is breaking down and I cant pay rent and fuel and bills. But right now HEALTH care is my priority. I have no choice. When I deal with the physical I can deal with the mental then I can try to get better. Unless I get a serious medical condition. Or I get a stroke or heart attack which feels close I have to say. Yes I am a VICTIM right now. It wasn’t always this was. It was at some parts of my life. I think we all die a victim. In a hospital at the mercy of doctors and nurses. Hopefully we get a nice one.
One Day we will Die but hopefully not prematurely because of the carelessness of another
I will die and one day my words will be gone. But here they are now for all the other people suffering horrible things. I HOPE I can get my life sorted and get better and not be a VICTIM but a VICTOR. I am called to be a HEROINE and raise my sword to the sky. It is time to fight not cry. By that I mean not let my emotions stop me getting help. Or what others think. If enough people do that DEMONS are exposed. For all I know the people that injured me have injured others. Me complaining adds to a case against them. Me complaining puts them on red alert not to do this again. If they do, well, it’s obvious what they are at.